SEAL Firsts Read online

  “I’ve been missing Frankie a lot today,” she said, looking away, unable to look at his face as she said it. Her shyness was coupled with a tiny shiver of danger, making her heart beat harder and sending the baby into another acrobatic routine.

  “Yeah, me too,” he whispered. He placed his hand over hers on the back of the padded couch, and rubbed her fingers. She saw no smile on his honest face. He knew what she was feeling. “Come here, Shannon,” he barely whispered, waiting for her to make the next move.

  She found herself leaning up against his chest, his arms wrapped around her, as his long fingers massaged the top of her spine and lazily dove into her hair, sending warm ripples from her scalp over the rest of her skin surface. Her arm had wrapped around his body, her other hand rubbing over his shoulder muscles. She was aware of his heat, the smell of him, which was all male, the sound of his breath as his chest rose and fell, the way her cheek felt pressed against the granite of his pecs. She allowed herself to wallow in the muskiness under his chin.

  Then he tipped her face up to his, and he kissed her. Need sparked like a match in a dark room. How she’d missed the tender kiss and touch of a man! She’d told herself she needed to learn to live without it for now. But it flared up anyway.

  She accepted his lips on hers, accepted his tongue that waited for an invitation before plunging into her mouth. It filled the vacant and hollow places of her loneliness. His moan flamed her passion, opening to him, and drawing him in deep. She was starving for him in every sense of the word. A tiny alarm bell off in the distance was ringing, but she put it out of her mind.

  He kept one large, callused palm under her chin, rubbing her lips with his enormous thumb. His eyes were sharp with what she easily recognized as arousal, though he was masking it. He was also showing her a hint of something deeper.

  He waited for her to speak, to give him an answer, put a label on what was happening between them. She’d been doing a lot of telling herself this and that, thinking about how she should feel, how she should be holding things in check, especially with the responsibility of carrying Frankie’s child.

  But she discovered her body ached for T.J. Her own needs were relegated to the place of someday, and became paramount. She missed intimacy with Frankie, the way it was so obvious he loved being with her. She missed the way he enjoyed her body, the way their lives had entangled and grown like two distinctly different vines covering the same trellis.

  She laid her cheek against T.J.’s chest again and allowed the rhythm of his breathing to say what she wasn’t ready to hear in words. Her own body responded, and their tandem breathing became background music for their hands, which rubbed and explored. His soothing touch on her back, her neck, down her arms. He laced his fingers between hers, kissing their joining, and she found it heightened her arousal.

  She leaned back and studied his face again, tracing her fingers over his lips, begging him to speak what he probably wouldn’t feel free to say. She knew it was loneliness that drew them together, the shared understanding that they both cherished the precious memory of Frankie as no other two people could.

  His lips found hers again, found the spots under her ear and beneath her jaw as she lifted her face to the ceiling, closing her eyes and reveling in the way he explored her neck and the hollow between her shoulder and her upper chest. His thumb breached the crevice between her upper arm and her chest and then warmly squeezed her breast as he moaned into her ear.

  Is this the talk she’d wanted to have? Was talking even appropriate? She’d have to slow things down and check her internal roadmap, even though she simply wanted to let go and plunge over the edge.

  Other than his hand on her breast, he hadn’t touched her in any sexual manner, the kiss being all the signal she needed to know he was willing to go further. But he seemed relieved to find she wanted to separate. Maybe he wanted the talk too. Maybe he regretted advancing on her. In any event, it needed to be addressed.

  Her hands remained in his as he leaned against the couch, examining his thumbs brushing over the tops of her knuckles and down her fingers in a slow massage.

  “T.J., it feels so strange to be sitting here doing this. We never got along before, when Frankie—”

  “Was alive,” he finished for her.

  “Yes.” Her eyes followed as he brought her knuckles to his lips and kissed them again, then spread out her palm and kissed it softly in a deeply personal and intimate kiss.

  “I think what I’m saying is that I’m ready to try to move on.”

  She watched his eyes dart quickly to her face. Perhaps he hadn’t gone there yet inside.

  “I think I’ll always miss him. But life does go on. He’d want that, Shannon. He said that to me at the end. He wanted—” T.J. stood abruptly. “I can’t do this,” he said as he tunneled his fingers through his hair and released a sigh of exasperation. “I’m sorry, Shannon.”

  Shannon got up carefully and stood close to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her face to his strong upper torso. “It’s okay. I understand,” she whispered to his shirt. She lifted the cotton fabric, exposing enough of his abdomen that she could place her bare palm there, and pressed. “Help me, T.J. Help me to heal.”

  He paused and took a deep breath. Could it be so hard for him to show her a little softness, a little kindness and affection for the memory of their shared past? Was it asking too much?

  “The baby—” he began.

  “Will be fine,” she finished for him.

  Chapter 9

  T.J. couldn’t believe he was walking down the hall of Frankie’s little love nest, the floorboards creaking under their weight, the birds chirping outside in accompaniment to the sounds of an ordinary day. Except this wasn’t ordinary. Her body was plumped with the evidence of Frankie’s love for her and she was leading him to her bedroom—to do what? Make love to her? The pregnant wife of his best friend? A woman who was seven months along? Was this even possible? How would he feel if something happened to the baby?

  He was going to need reassurance before he’d get naked with her, but no matter what, he knew it was going to happen. He really hoped he wouldn’t feel like a dog afterwards though.

  They walked past Courtney’s pink bedroom, all set up with white furniture, waiting for the little one to imprint her personality upon it. What a miracle, he thought, how this happened. In two months another person would live here with Shannon. A little part of Frankie would grow out here in the real world.

  The bedroom was rosier now, the afternoon glow deeper and more intense. She closed the door, and then walked around him to the bed. He watched her take off her top, revealing a heavy bra with her breasts huge and bulging behind the restraint of the white lace fabric. She undid the straps and let her breasts fall, deliciously exposed to him, moving with her breathing. The sight of a woman’s breasts, so full and ripe with life had never turned him on more. His cock was fully erect, holding his pants out front in that famous tent.

  He was mesmerized by her as she slid her elastic-topped pants over her belly and down around her ankles and stepped out of them. Her smooth skin stretched over the growing child made him want to drop to his knees. She was the most beautiful creature on earth, pregnant and ripe with new life, standing before him unashamed of her nakedness. She was showing herself to him in a most intimate act, one no woman had done for him before.

  “Are you sure this is okay?” he asked.

  “For now, yes. Not for a whole lot longer, though. But yes, having sex during pregnancy is normal and natural.” She seemed to welcome the fact he had walked towards her.

  She pulled off his T-shirt. He loved that she was undressing him, giving him time to get used to seeing her so big and so round everywhere. Her nipples were hard and enormous. Her belly button was protruding, almost like a little act of defiance. Her shiny hair smelled wonderful, and he felt her warm need as she rubbed her full breasts against his bare chest. She undid the button fly on his jeans and sat on th
e bed while she lowered his pants to the floor. His erection bounced to attention and hardened further when she wrapped her fingers around his shaft, squeezing and working up and down gently, then squeezing his balls.

  She licked his tip and then pressed him through her lips folding her tongue around him. He’d have been content if she could remain there forever, if he could keep watching while she sucked and rolled her tongue over him. Her hands gently squeezed his butt cheeks and he allowed himself to be drawn deep into her mouth and down into her throat.

  He’d never seen anything as luscious as her lips working on him, had never experienced anything that drove his own need so fiercely. Her shimmering hair in the afternoon sun and the smooth texture of her shoulders and thighs illuminated in the golden glow of the day moved him to tears. He thought perhaps this was what she had in mind all along. Part of him was relieved.

  But that wasn’t everything Shannon had in mind. She scooted back on the bed, knees slightly bent, her taut belly rising and falling as she inhaled and looked up to him with smoldering need.

  “How do I—” he started.

  She smiled and interrupted him. “T.J. Don’t tell me you’ve never had sex before.”

  Now he felt stupid. “Not with a pregnant woman.”

  “Thank God I’m the first for you. I wouldn’t want to be second or third.”

  She was toying with him. His cock was getting stiffer and almost pained him. The little challenge to his ego spurred him on.

  Holy cow. She wants me to fuck her.

  “You sure this is okay?”

  “T.J., if you want to stop, I’d understand. I mean,” she said as she rolled over on all fours and presented her sweet ass to him, “I wouldn’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

  Fuck it. He could see her wet pussy peeking like ripe fruit from between her legs. She allowed her shoulders to fall to the mattress as she rolled her head to the side and looked over her shoulder at him with those eyes full of smoldering need.

  He decided he could do this. “Help me,” he said.

  “First of all you have to assume the position behind me. Can you do that, T.J.?”

  Well, hell yes, he could.

  He knelt on the bed and allowed his thighs to touch the backs of hers, his cock rooting up the cleft in her smooth behind. His hands were on her ass, rubbing, squeezing and separating the cheeks.

  “Touch me,” she whispered.

  His fingers found her soft lips. He rimmed her opening and played with her folds, but still felt hesitant to penetrate. She moved herself against him, asking for it, but he found himself almost afraid of her need.

  He dropped a shoulder and angled himself under her, kissing her sweet folds and massaging her nub with his tongue. Her sweet and sour flavor, musky with need, was an elixir. Her body jumped as he ran his teeth over her clitoris and then sucked her to a peak.

  “Oh God, I had no idea I needed this so much,” she moaned.

  He gently tipped her to her back, putting one knee between her legs and feeling her ride his thigh. Her face was a beautiful painting of softness and lust as she lost herself for him. His thumbs and fingers pinched her nipples, and she arched, moaning. Her sensitivity to his touch anywhere on her body was spurring him on like never before.

  “Baby,” he whispered as he nestled a kiss under her ear. His erection pressed under and around her belly. “I have something.”

  “Thank you, because I don’t.”

  He reached for his pants at the foot of the bed, sheathed himself and returned.

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “I’ll tell you if it hurts, T.J. But right now, I don’t want to talk anymore. I want you inside me. No more questions, T.J. No more,” she said in her silken voice. She lifted her head off the pillow to plant a long kiss on him, sucking his tongue inside as she rubbed her sex against his thigh. “Please, T.J., I need you inside me.”

  He didn’t want to press down on her abdomen, so was careful to brace himself, which was no problem. Her writhing form beneath him, the touch of her belly against his abdomen was actually a turn-on he hadn’t expected. His cock ran the length of her and then found her opening, and he stopped.

  He wanted to watch her eyes while he penetrated her. He wanted them to look at each other. This was not his usual way. But this time was different. He wanted the reality of what they were doing to be front and center. It needed to happen in the full light of the day, without the excuse of alcohol and without the intense foreplay and occasional light bondage he usually liked.

  He wanted this woman because she was carrying his best friend’s child, and because he’d promised to protect, defend and take care of her. He wanted to fulfill his promise, and maybe receive a little redemption in return. He hoped it would change him, perhaps exorcise his demons.

  He leaned forward with his forearms at the side of her face, rubbed his thumbs across her lips and her eyelids and kissed them one by one while he crouched and angled himself to push gently inside her. As he did, little by little, he saw it in her eyes, all the pain for the past and the love for the future. All at once. Right there in her eyes. He gave himself to her in every way he could.

  He’d never wanted to mate with a woman this way. Bring her pleasure, rock her world and be the man she could depend on. He wanted that. As he rooted, carefully at first, she accepted him deep. He felt no hesitation as he rhythmically drew in and out, changing the speed but pulling the edge off it. He poured intensity into the slow slapping of their bodies, the feel of the smooth surfaces of her skin, the little moans and whimpers of her soul. He wanted her to bring it all on, full force. He wanted to take all of her.

  He didn’t know what to expect, but gradually her body slipped into a long rolling orgasm that triggered his own. She rolled her shoulders up and to the side so she could look at their joining. He kissed her belly as she ran her fingers through his hair, massaging his temples. He kissed her nipples and she arched backward, her head falling back into the bed. His spurting inside her was prolonged, and he knew she could feel every drop.

  Her eyes filled with tears that spilled over onto the vanilla-colored pillows underneath her.

  “Everything okay, baby?”

  “It couldn’t be better,” she whispered. “I thought I had no right to this. But he’s here.”

  T.J. wasn’t sure he was going to like what she would say next.

  “I know he’s here. I know this is what he’d want, T.J.”

  He remembered Frankie saying that very thing, but he also knew he would never be able to tell her that. His hand smoothed over her engorged abdomen again. He loved the feel of the taut skin under his fingertips and palm. He agreed with her, even though he’d believed he had no right to this.

  But he also knew he’d belonged here all along.

  Chapter 10

  Right now her body was sensitive everywhere. The changes in her hormone levels, the softening of her bones and toughening up of her nipples in preparation for birthing a baby and giving succor, mixed with the wonderful glow of a new love…not only growing inside her belly, but also in her heart, as she learned to accept the reality that she could expand that heart and open it to include T.J.

  She could love Frankie and all that Frankie had meant to her, even including her occasional regrets, and she could love his child. But she found room in there for T.J. as well. Could T.J. be her forever man now? She was certain Frankie would approve. That was important to her.

  They didn’t speak of it while he helped her into the shower. As he smoothed the lemon shower gel over her body and kissed the back of her neck, he didn’t speak of it. As she rubbed gel on his upper chest, down his shoulders, as she smoothed over his stiff cock, over his thighs, as she took him into her mouth, kneeling before him, while he palmed his way down her back to press fingers into her cleft and squeeze her buttocks, they didn’t speak of it.

  When he took her from behind, pressing her carefully against the tiled surface of a
shower stall barely big enough for both of them, as she wanted him more after his release than before they’d started, they didn’t speak of it.

  Her connection to him was pliable yet solid. Not like rigid bands of steel. It was flexible. The golden threads connecting them grew with every contact of their bodies. The exploration was delicious, and still left her wanting more.

  In the mirror she watched him drying her off with one of the white fluffy towels Frankie had bought. He wrapped it around her, put his face next to hers and stared back at her in the reflection. She loved seeing his face next to her own. She wore the blush on her cheeks from his stubble like a badge of honor, and was proud of how they were together, proud of how she felt and how her heart sang.

  He was still stargazing at her.

  “What?” she said as she turned to face him in the flesh.

  “Marry me, Shannon.”

  “Oh, my gosh, T.J. Don’t you think it’s too soon?”

  “Too soon for what? Look at what we’ve been doing all afternoon.” He stopped her wandering gaze, raising her chin up so he could look at her straight on. “I’m serious as a heart attack, Shannon. Marry me. I won’t rest until you do.”

  She loved his relentless attitude, the sure compassion of his voice, and his confidence in a future she was sure had been planned differently than it was presenting today. And she could see he wouldn’t give up until she said yes. This was far from a game for him. He wasn’t the same T.J. who had left on deployment two months ago. This was a man she could marry and live with her whole life.

  “It would be my honor, T.J.” As soon as she said it, fear crept in, but T.J. was overjoyed.

  “Get dressed. We’re going to go look at wedding rings.”

  “No. Not today.”

  “Yes, today. Today we tell everyone. Everyone. Your mom and dad, Joe and Gloria.

  “You’re so silly. Are you sure?”