SEAL of My Heart Read online

  Her palms traveled up the hardened muscles of his torso to the base of his neck, then around, pulling his head down to hers, lazily letting her fingers sift through his hair. He wasn’t going to go faster than she wanted to go. Each move she made was perfectly matched with his own, such that they led each other, drew each other together, and savored their shared heat.

  Something in the back of her mind was sending up an alarm, as though part of her knew this kiss wasn’t wise. But being rational was a distant planet. Kate wanted to let herself be carried away, loose the bonds of her control. Being so intimate with this complete stranger somehow seemed as natural and right as smiling.

  As their lips parted, and his arms squeezed her waist in a kissless hug, he whispered to the side of her face, “Thank you, Kate. Thank you.”

  Thank me? For what? Was he thanking her for ignoring her standards? Her loyalty to her fiancé? Or, did he sense that he had a chance at a relationship with her? That this wasn’t a casual kiss, or an opportunity taken, stolen from someone else’s life. This was something more.

  She heard the titters of Kenny and his friend, and Kate blushed about having been so oblivious. She wondered what they must think of her getting so carried away so quickly, and then realized with a start she didn’t care. As she peeked at their audience, Tyler didn’t move. He was still focused on her face.

  Reality began to sink in. As if he read her thoughts, he stepped back, still holding her hand, and addressed the gawking and awkward sounds, like noises from a video game, coming from behind him.

  Kate studied his mahogany brown hair, worn a little too long, curling behind his ears and over the top of his shirt, his tanned face in profile—a face which now seemed so familiar to her. He warmly addressed their audience, and she didn’t care what he said. She just wanted to listen to him say it.

  “Sorry, guys. I guess I got a little carried away with—” Tyler turned to address Kate and his face lit up with another warm smile, eliciting the same from her. “I was not able to stop myself.” His lashes fluttered as he dropped his gaze to examine her lips again.

  Kenny and his lady friend probably hadn’t noticed that Kate was the first one to make the move, initiate their first kiss, but Tyler took the fall for it. At that, her excitement over what could be was more important than what had been. Her future was eclipsing her past.

  Tyler’s fingers moved a ringlet of hair from next to her cheek and tucked it behind her ear, his thumb caressing her lower lip. She felt the exquisite knotting of her nipples and the ache in her core. She wanted his hands on her, anywhere.

  “So much for ‘we’re just giving her a ride to her sister’s,’ bro,” Kenny said with a smirk.

  “And that’s still the plan,” Tyler said as he drew her to his side.

  Now it was Kate’s turn to say it. “Thank you,” she whispered. He rewarded her with a squeeze and she found herself leaning into him again.

  Kenny cleared his throat. “So, just tell Vonda here what you want, and she’ll make us some sandwiches, right sweetie?” He gave Vonda a quick peck on the cheek.

  Tyler led them over to the corner table after they’d placed their orders, and the three of them sat. Kate watched the eclectic variety of customers come and go. The crowd apparently purchased donuts all day long. Kenny and Tyler bantered back and forth, needling each other and catching up. Kate found herself wanting to hear more about the librarians Tyler had dated, but the conversation stayed strictly away from them.

  “I report back next Friday. We do a week of workup,” Tyler was saying. “Been preparing hard for this one for over four months.”

  “Where are you going?” she asked him.

  “We have a general idea, but it could be anywhere.” Tyler delivered it flat, but then his eyes wandered down the side of her face, over her shoulder and then back to her chest. She felt herself blush. Afterwards, their eyes did not meet.

  “Cool. So like Tunisia? Morocco?” Kenny wanted to know. He nodded a greeting to a couple of skateboarders with purple and green hair who had entered the shop.

  Tyler shrugged and shook his head. “Even if I knew, couldn’t say.” He punched Kenny in the arm. “You know that.”

  Kenny rolled his eyes as he complained non-verbally to Kate.

  “Hey, Kenny,” Tyler began. “I got a friend you got to meet. Cooper, our corpsman, that’s our medic. He’s the biggest gadget guy I’ve met, outside of you, of course.”

  “Yeah?”

  Kate had finished her lunch and sat listening.

  “I think you two’d have a good time. You should come down to San Diego, I’ll introduce him to you. You can bring Vonda, if you like,” Tyler said as an afterthought, winking at the tattooed beauty behind the counter. “We have this lady in San Diego who does amazing tats, works on all of us. A fuckin’ knockout, too, named Daisy. She has the softest hands and the biggest—” his cupped hands had gone out in front of his chest until he looked at Kate and abruptly stopped, dropping his hands to his lap.

  At the mention of Daisy’s name, Kate found herself feeling uncomfortable, perhaps a little jealous. Tyler sighed, apparently deep in thought.

  “That depends,” Kenny replied, leaning back on his chair and rocking it precariously.

  “On what?”

  Kenny dropped back forward, placed his palms on the pink, glitter-flake Formica tabletop and stared at Kate, raising one eyebrow. “Is Kate going to be there?”

  He wiggled his eyebrows for effect.

  Kate found herself blushing again as Tyler’s eyes swept from his friend’s to her face. Did he see the flutter in her chest? The red blotchy marks there? The flush on her cheeks?

  “I dunno where Kate will be,” he began in a whisper. “But she’s welcome to come to San Diego when I get back from deployment. Any. Time. She. Likes.”

  She melted into his warm smile, and then looked down. Suddenly, she remembered her sister, who might be waiting for her at the house. “You guys,” she began, “I need to go. How much do I owe?” she asked.

  Both men held out their hands, declining. “We got this,” Tyler said.

  The road to her sister’s house was winding. Freshly rained-on surfaces of made the green shrubbery brighter, the blue sky more intense, the grey and white billowy clouds more defined. She’d always loved the faint smell of the huge Columbia River as it snaked around the waterfront. Her sister’s house was on one of the prominent hills overlooking rows of trendy commercial districts and warehouses.

  She’d been quiet while she watched the wisps of Tyler’s hair blow in the breeze blowing in the little crack in his window. The conversation between the two friends was background noise to her thoughts, which began to darken and become heavier. She was beginning to regret the doorway she’d plunged them both through.

  What was I thinking?

  Her ordered life was close to perfect, maybe too perfect, she thought. She’d gotten the handsome guy with the wealthy parents who doted on him, and had shown her nothing but affection. Maybe they were a little overbearing at times, like the way Mrs. Heller took over some of the details of their wedding, insisting on using her caterer and ordering all the flowers for not only the reception but the ceremony as well. She could understand the caterer decision, since the reception was going to be held at the family winery, and she needed to be able to work with the staff. But the flowers had been done without even consulting Kate’s mother, who had been a little hurt by the gesture, although Mrs. Heller said she’d intended to help.

  A small war was brewing between the two sets of parents as to who could provide the most for the couple. Kate knew her parents felt slightly embarrassed they weren’t able to promise the same lavish gifts Randy’s parents did. To Kate, that was her only concern: how her parents felt. She never wanted to forget where she came from. There were times the Hellers seemed to live in a fantasyland they wanted to suck her into.

  But who am I to question all of this? She knew all of her friends, especially Sheila, were
over the top excited for her. Randy had long been the one who every one of her friends had wanted to snag, and they’d all tried.

  Kate realized he’d chosen her probably because his family and background didn’t really impress her, and so she’d paid him little attention until he began courting her in earnest. This had surprised her as much as it dismayed her friends. Settling down hadn’t been on her radar, but once she got involved with Randy, things had escalated and before she knew it they were engaged. Everyone was jumping up and down with excitement.

  Kate had thought perhaps she’d get excited once it was closer her wedding day. But her fears and jitters were growing instead.

  And now this.

  Which is why it was so odd she’d made it all complicated and kissed Tyler. And wanted him to kiss her back. Yes, there was a physical attraction there, but her initiating the kiss had come from somewhere else. She decided to cleanse her head of that thought. It was unhealthy. Time to start living in the reality that was her life.

  She was going to marry Randy Heller in September, like she’d promised, and all would be right with the world. And Tyler would come home from overseas, healthy and whole, to the waiting arms of some other woman.

  Not her.

  She felt her eyes burn with the beginnings of a cry forming. No way was she going to show that to anybody. She dismissed her melancholy mood as wedding jitters, plus the upcoming visit with her vibrant, overbearing sister and three unruly kids.

  The Gremlin seemed to lose most of its power on the last long climb to the top of the knoll where Gretchen’s house stood. When Kenny turned off the ignition, a cloud of smoke burped from the rear, drifting over the top of the vehicle and out into the crisp afternoon air.

  The house was just as Kate had remembered from her last visit some three years ago. And, true to form, there was a bike thrown onto a hedge by the front door and several bright plastic buckets scattered on the porch. Chalk designs made by little hands decorated the risers of the concrete stairs, holding fast despite the rain. The colorful artwork told the world that the kids were the center of this household.

  Tyler turned in his seat as they stopped. “Looks just like my sister’s house. Stuff every—”

  He’d stopped himself as a plea formed on his face.

  “She does the best she can,” Kate said with a smile. “I admire her. The kids are happy, even though I know it’s tough on her.”

  “My sister’s the same,” Tyler nodded. “Except she has a do-nothing ex-husband. But they don’t seem to mind.” He frowned. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply your sister…”

  “No worries. Sounds like your sister has her priorities straight, like mine does. Except mine doesn’t write smutty books.”

  Tyler nodded, got out, and pulled the front seat forward so she could squeeze out of the back. He’d taken her hand and kept holding it while walked to the rear of the dirty green Gremlin. They stood close again. Tyler pulled her up against his chest.

  She wiggled her way out of his attempted embrace and frowned. She’d decided it would be best for her to forget the kiss, and the second kiss, and all the fantasies about what could come next, and the way her body felt. She wrestled herself back to feeling a proper blushing bride, even though the face of the groom in her fantasy was now hazy.

  Which bothered her.

  She heard a muffled “I’m sorry,” at her back as she lifted the hatch and began hauling out her bag. Kenny appeared and brushed her hands away. He struggled, but got the big red suitcase out and walked up the stairs with it, Kate and Tyler following.

  At the top, Kenny dusted his palms together and grumbled something as he skipped back down the stairs to his waiting car. Tyler stood right behind Kate.

  It was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, to turn, which she did, take his hand in hers, and thank him sincerely for the ride. And nothing else. What remained unspoken as they gazed at each other was the longing no doubt they both felt…that chemical attraction formed long before their first kiss. Something had sprouted inside her heart, wanting desperately to grow. Along with that was the ache at knowing she was going to force it to wither.

  Because that was the right thing to do. Kate always did the right thing.

  “Well,” he said as he turned to the side and stared off at the river. “I hope you have a beautiful wedding, and a wonderful life, Kate.” He looked down. His face was in line with hers, and if she wanted to, she could lean forward and their lips would meet, since he was one step below her. “It was very nice to meet you,” he finished.

  “Nice to meet you, Tyler. Good luck on your next tour. And thank you. Thank you for doing what you’re doing for all of us. Just know that I for one appreciate it.”

  “Thanks,” he said. “Well at least that’s something I can go away with, then.” He looked at the door. “Is your sister home?”

  “Five minutes,” Kate said, holding up her phone. “She just texted me.”

  “Good. Take care, Kate.”

  With that he turned and started down the steps. Kate watched his muscular body descend, and her heart felt like it was being stabbed with a dull pencil. “Tyler,” she blurted, before she even knew what she wanted to say.

  He looked up at her, hands on his hips, one foot on the step above the other.

  “We could write. I could write you while you’re overseas.”

  Tyler examined his shoes again. “We could do that,” he said as his blue eyes swept up to take in her face. “Don’t want to go where I don’t belong, though.”

  It was a dangerous thing to say, but it was the truth of their situation. Where did he belong in her life? A man whose service she was grateful for. A warrior called to do his duty. An honorable man not willing to encroach on another man’s girl. That made him even more attractive than the moment she’d kissed him. He wasn’t going to complain, or try to talk her into anything she wasn’t going to be a full participant in, and she liked him all the more for it.

  “I’d like to write you letters. I’d like to hear about what it’s like being over there. Whatever you can share.”

  “More like what’s going on here,” he said as he pointed to his chest. “And here,” he pointed to his head.

  “Then I’ll take that. Whatever you want to tell me. I’ll listen. We’ll be friends through our letters, Tyler.”

  “I’d like that very much,” he said. He got out a notebook he kept in his jacket pocket and scribbled down something, then jogged up the four steps until he was just below Kate again, handing her the paper. “Use this address.”

  She took the notebook and his pen, her fingers grazing his. He stood too close, so close that she could feel his body heat and hear the deep, satisfying sound of his breathing while she wrote her address and handed him back the notebook and pen.

  “Here’s mine.”

  “Good. I’ll write first,” he said. His clear blue eyes searched her face and landed on her mouth again. She thought he was going to cover her lips with his, but he leaned in, angled, and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Bye, Kate.”

  He didn’t look back at her as he rounded the Gremlin. Kenny waved to her and she waved back. But Tyler got in the passenger seat and didn’t turn in her direction as the little green monster sputtered off down the wet blacktop.

  Like one of the little monsters glued to Kenny’s dash, a tiny piece of her heart was embedded there, staring at Tyler’s face, begging him to turn around and come back.

  But it was not to be.

  C

  hapter 6

  Kenny shut off the music, which was the first sign, and gave him one of those what-the-fuck-were-you-thinkin’ looks, just like when they were in community college. It usually involved a girl, but it was the same look he’d given Tyler when he announced he was going into the Navy and the SEAL brotherhood was going to be his career path. And it closely approximated the look his mother had given him later that day, when he told her he’d already enlisted and was shipping out t
he next week.

  “So, Tyler, I gotta ask you. Are we coming or going, here?”

  It was a very good question, and deserved an honest answer.

  “I have no idea, but one of the two of them. Not going to stay the same, that’s for sure,” Tyler found himself mumbling.

  “Well, all I gotta say is wow. She’s a looker.”

  That lightened his heart. He grinned. Yup, she certainly was that. He knew he’d be thinking about her all night long. He wasn’t too displeased, either. He thought about her long legs and smooth skin, silky brown hair that felt wonderful spilling between his fingers when he’d held her head as they kissed. He even loved the way she sighed and how she shook. Everything she did was a major fuckin’ turn-on. Just watching her trying to pick up her red suitcase had been fun, even though Kenny had tried to save her from it. She was just fine. That was all there was to it.

  And she was going to be okay with writing each other so he wouldn’t have to bury her memory. Now, that was something he could do. She didn’t know he’d won that poetry contest in high school. The star soccer player who could write love poems. Half the girls asked him out after that one little stint. Nope, didn’t mind it much then, and he certainly didn’t mind it now.

  Then he had the fleeting thought that perhaps she’d given him a fake address. Nah, he didn’t think so. That’s now he read her character. He could hardly wait. In fact, perhaps he’d work on the first letter tonight. He could post it and perhaps even get a response before he left, if she wrote him right back. That would be a very good sign, right?

  The clicking of Kenny’s thumb and first two fingers in front of his eyes brought him back to the reality of Kenny’s Gremlin. The red Yoda figurine on the dash seemed to be grinning right at him. The hula girl vied for his attention. The yellow dinosaur with the tiger stripes stopped chomping on the green plastic tree branch and stared him down. They were all asking about his next move.